Cracking the Danish Code: How a Simple Coffee Invite Could Transform an Expat's Experience

Denmark is ranked as one of the world’s leading countries in terms of work culture, salary, and work-life balance, according to a 2023 survey by InterNations. Yet, when it comes to making friends as an expat, Denmark performs worst in the same survey – a pattern that Mantas can recognise from his two years in Denmark. 

Mantas eats rye bread with butter, jam, and Havarti cheese for breakfast often and he also loves the Danish weather, even when it rains. On the other hand, he learned the hard way that Danes take their work-life balance very seriously – something that can make it difficult for expats to connect with their Danish colleagues outside work.

'When I first got to Denmark, I scheduled a meeting at 3 PM on a Friday with my colleagues – and they expressed their opinion about that very openly – and I can say that I don’t schedule a meeting at 3 PM on Fridays anymore,'

46-year-old Mantas Malisauskas was born in Lithuania but has lived in several different countries, including Sweden, England, the Netherlands, Austria, and Germany. ‘Just go for it,’ he says during the interview. Denmark is the seventh stop on his career path, where he has held a position of the  Head of Immunogenicity Assessment at Lundbeck for the past two years. It's a job that once again prompted him to pull up stakes and make the leap to Denmark.  

‘I am very curious. I think it comes with being a scientist – it draws you forward, and you need to be adaptive, curious and bold,’ says Mantas Malisauskas. 

Life is life and work is work 

Work-life balance is one of the things Mantas highlights about his Danish colleagues which makes it difficult to create new friendships in Denmark. Even though he is a big fan of a healthy work-life balance, it also means that there is a clear boundary between personal and professional life.  

‘I think what makes Denmark a bit more special is that life is life and work is work – there is a separation, and that comes with work-life-balance,’ says Mantas. 

Mantas is not the only expat who finds it difficult to make new friends in Denmark. According to "The Expat Study" from 2020, 43% of all expats find it difficult to make friends in Denmark. And around one in five say that they think it’s difficult to settle down in Denmark.

‘It is a nature of the nation and the culture in Scandinavian that you form friendship and network in the early ages. As an adult you can become an acquaintance, but you never become a friend,’ says Mantas. 

Therefore, it may not come as a surprise that most people in Mantas' network are also internationals, whom he has met through IDA Peer Groups in English, for example. In the peer groups, he has met like-minded professionals with whom he shares common interests. Mantas emphasises that it is important to seek out communities on your own, even if it may feel intimidating. 

He particularly notes that Danes’ social lives are often based on activities. An avid fisher, Mantas has met some new people in his spare time through fishing. However, most Danes he interacts with are at his workplace. 

A very unionised country 

The social life in Denmark as an expat is a challenge, but an entirely different challenge is getting to know the Danish system. Everything from how to register with a doctor to understanding what an unemployment insurance fund and a trade union are.  

‘Some aspects that the Danes take for granted are not granted for us, who are here as expats,’ says Mantas.   

Mantas didn't know much about trade unions and unemployment insurance funds before moving to Denmark, but he quickly found out that all his Danish colleagues were members of a trade union and an unemployment insurance fund. Studies show that approximately 65-70 % are members of a trade union in Denmark.  

‘I knew about IDA already - before I moved, English.ida.dk was a big source for me to find information about the Danish system, so I became a member too,’ says Mantas. 

Now Mantas makes use of his benefits as a trade union member. He particularly highlights IDA's salary statistics. 

‘I would like to highlight the salary-statistics of IDA. It’s an amazing tool that helps you to gain the right salary perspective. As an expat it can be difficult to know the level of salary in your position in a new country.’ 

Shall we grab a cup of coffee?

When was the last time you asked a colleague to grab a cup of coffee after work or invited them over for dinner? 

Maybe never, but according to Mantas, we should get much better at this. He would like to see his Danish colleagues make an extra effort when meeting a colleague who is new in Denmark. 

Mantas encourages Danish colleagues of an expat to make an extra effort to ask questions about how they are doing and remember to invite them to lunch or coffee break. 

‘You don’t need to become friends, but sometimes to reach out and ask how the person feels or ask for a coffee outside of work. It is welcoming when you are new in the country, just to have a coffee with a colleague,’ says Mantas. 

Heidi Ås, who is a business developer with IDA with a focus on international members, recognises the need for workplaces to take responsibility for their new international colleagues. When she talks to expats who come to Denmark to work, they often highlight the importance of a thorough onboarding and the need for extra support from their workplace and colleagues, especially during the initial period.  

‘It is important to quickly build a relationship with, for example, a kind of buddy in the company. For many internationals, it is necessary to build a relationship before trust develops, whereas in Denmark, we tend to focus on the task at hand and often start with trust, so we don’t spend as much time on relationship building.’ 

Do your homework 

Before you pack your bags and hop on the next plane to Denmark, it might be wise to take a closer look at the pros and cons of living in Denmark.  

Mantas encourages other expats to research the culture of a new country and adjust their expectations accordingly. As he says with a big smile, ‘…if you expect a lot of seafood, you will be very disappointed,’ – and the same goes for other aspects of Danish culture.  

‘You are a guest in the country, and you should accept the house rules in Denmark. You have to ask yourself, does this country fits what I can manage?’ says Mantas.   

According to Mantas, there are some things you should know before moving to Denmark. First and foremost, it is wise to read about the culture to see if you can see yourself fitting into it. Additionally, you need to be aware of the weather in Denmark because that is something you cannot change. 

The same goes for the professional culture, which may be very different from what you are used to. Heidi Ås advises that you research how the job market looks in your field. Most Danish companies look for competencies and specialist knowledge. Your titles, educational level, grades etc. are often less important when it comes to finding a job in a Danish context. It’s more about what you can than what you are.  

Another good tip is to do a market analysis: Who are the candidates I’m competing with, and which skills do they have? Also, investigate what language is spoken in the workplace and how good the English proficiency is. 

Navigating the social landscape as an expat in Denmark can indeed be challenging, but it’s not impossible. Many internationals find that it takes time and patience to build friendships, especially in a culture where relationships are often developed gradually. If you are a Dane with an international colleague, consider inviting them out for a cup of coffee. Even if you don’t become friends, this small gesture can make a big difference for someone adjusting to a new team and country.