Public speaker: How to thrive at work as an introvert

Camilla Lærkesen was new to her job as a student assistant when she got into a conversation with her manager in the elevator.

‘She told me that the others in the department really liked me and that I was good, but then she added at the end: They say you're a bit quiet. But don't worry, I've told them that everyone is at first.’

‘And then I just thought, damn, I've tried so hard and used all my energy not to be the quiet one, and yet I am.’

Camilla Lærkesen has received these types of comments her entire life. People have told her she should talk more, take up more space, and participate in more social activities.

But it doesn't come naturally to her to talk about the weather with strangers, and she doesn't relax in large groups or at parties. On the other hand, she thrives in her own company and when she's with a small handful of good friends.

At times, the expectations and comments of the outside world have put so much pressure on her that she has wondered if she was socially handicapped, and she has been left drained of energy when she has nevertheless thrown herself into deep water and gone on a picnic or to a Friday bar.

It was only when she read an article about being an introvert during her studies that the pieces fell into place for her, and she understood that there were many others like her.

‘Then I wrote a chronicle called “Sorry I'm an introvert” in Uniavisen, and then I was out of the closet if you will,’ she says.

Since then, she has made it her livelihood to impart knowledge about being an introvert, and she has now worked for ten years as a coach, lecturer, and also runs the website bevidstsintrovert.dk. (conscious introvert)

In her work, she meets many people who, like herself, are struggling in a labour market that she believes is designed for extroverts.

‘I often get messages in my inbox from people who are having a really hard time in the job market and who feel like they're not being seen. They get comments about their personality or are told that they have to show up for Christmas lunch if they want to keep their job,’ she says.

Few people are fully introverted or extroverted

The most widely used psychological tool for describing personality is the five-factor model, which consists of five dimensions that all people have:

• Neuroticism: Are you nervous or calm?
• Extraversion: Are you an extrovert or an introvert?
• Openness: Are you open to new ideas or conventional?
• Agreeableness: Are you sociable or irritable in your interactions with others?
• Conscientiousness: Are you conscientious or do you lack focus?

‘The difference between extroverts and introverts is that extroverts like social activities and get energy from them. Extroverts are also talkative and active people. If you are an introvert, you can also be with others, but it may drain your energy, and you will also prefer to be alone more often,’ explains Jesper Dammeyer, professor of psychology at the University of Copenhagen.

He explains that all personality traits are normally distributed, and that therefore few people are exclusively extroverted or introverted, but that they instead lie somewhere in the middle.

It is impossible to say how many people are so introverted that they experience it as a hindrance at work, but an estimate is around 10 percent according to Jesper Dammeyer. However, he emphasises that one must be careful not to focus unilaterally on one personality trait.

‘In fact, another personality trait, conscientiousness, generally has greater significance for our careers. That is, whether one is dutiful and takes care of one's tasks. It is typically the trait that has the strongest significance for job performance and success in working life,’ he explains and continues:

‘But there are also several other things that have an influence, including your coping skills and your self-esteem, and then there is your motivation and interest in the job. So fortunately we are complex people who can adapt to many types of jobs,’ says Jesper Dammeyer.

Part of Camilla Lærkesen's work takes place in workplaces, and here she often experiences that employees who are neither distinctly introverted nor extroverted have difficulty understanding what it is like to be among the outermost percent.

‘If you are somewhere in the middle of the scale, it is easier to adapt because you have better access to the personality traits from the opposite side, and then it may seem a bit pointless to talk about.’

‘But those of us who are at the extremes really need people to know what extroversion and introversion mean, because we've been getting feedback on our behaviour since elementary school: That we were either too little or too much,’ she says.

Extroverted salespeople and introverted engineers

Most knowledge workers work in open-plan offices. When a new strategy needs to be developed or input from employees needs to be gathered, it happens in workshops. And the social highlights are the Christmas lunch and Friday bar.

In other words, the labour market is designed for extroverts, if you ask Camilla Lærkesen.

‘It actually starts already during the job search process, where extroverts are favoured. After all, no one is looking for an introverted candidate, but there are a lot of people who are looking for extroverted candidates. I have even seen an example of a workplace that was looking for an extroverted proofreader.’

She therefore finds that extroverts find it easier to speak up at work, and that they are therefore more often considered for promotions, salary increases, and exciting assignments.

Psychology professor Jesper Dammeyer can well imagine that introverts could be squeezed in the workplace if there is a lot of emphasis on extroverted values ​​in the work culture, but he does not believe that being extroverted is an advantage in all jobs.

‘If you are going to be a salesperson or manager, it is an advantage to be an extrovert, but if you are going to sit and make technical drawings or calculations, it is an advantage to be an introvert, because you can immerse yourself for a long time instead of standing by the coffee machine and talking to colleagues all day,’ he explains.

He points out that it can be a good idea to look for an industry and workplace that suits one's personality, and there is some evidence that this happens quite naturally for many.

In her PhD thesis from Aarhus University, Anna Pacak-Vedel analysed the results of 1,067 personality tests from students in seven fields of study and concluded that the students as groups differ from each other in the different fields of study.

For example, students in science majors score low on extroversion and openness, while they score high on agreeableness and average on neuroticism and conscientiousness.

In comparison, law students as a group are characterised by medium neuroticism, extroversion, and conscientiousness, as well as low openness and sociability.

You don't have to make small talk just for the sake of it.

The Corona lockdowns have made working from home much more accepted and widespread, and this gives Camilla Lærkesen hope that workplaces will increasingly take into account the preferences of introverts.

In the short term, however, she believes that it is the introverts who must adapt to the workplace, and her advice is to devise a strategy that makes it as undemanding as possible.

‘I think you have to come to terms with yourself, whether there are some things you would like to achieve in your work, and if you can't do it on your own terms, you have to adapt to some degree. But I don't think you should completely reinvent yourself, and if necessary, you should find somewhere else to be.’

Her best advice for introverts who want to be more visible at work is to find a manager or colleague who can act as an "ambassador" for you in the workplace.

‘As an introvert, you’re unlikely to highlight your own achievements before the entire department. Instead, you can just brief a few select people if you want to draw attention to a piece of work you've done.’

If you have a good manager who you feel comfortable with, you can also confide in him or her that you feel that you have difficulty speaking up in meetings.

‘I had an agreement like that with my manager. If she could see that I had something to say, she would let me speak so that I wouldn't have to interrupt myself. It's a small thing, but it meant that I was seen and heard.’

According to Camilla Lærkesen, the worst advice you can give introverts is that they should practice small talk, but often that's exactly what introverts are told to work on.

‘It only makes sense if you yourself have a desire to small talk more for the sake of small talk. Because you have to maintain your relationships continuously for it to make sense, and then suddenly it becomes a big task to have to small talk all the time, and it costs you a lot of energy.’

If you, as an introvert, want to avoid using too much energy and, in the worst case, burning out, she also recommends that you be honest with yourself about the outside world, about who you are.

‘After I wrote this column in Uniavisen, "Sorry I'm an introvert," I kept being told that I seemed more extroverted.’

‘I hadn't become one, but I had stopped pretending to be something I wasn't. Because when you pretend to be something other than you are, it comes across as a bit off, and people might instead assume that you're shy or maybe arrogant. Then it makes more sense to stick to who you are and then let it shine through.’

Camilla Lærkesen's advice if you find being an introvert a hindrance in the job market:

Be honest about being an introvert – both to yourself and to the world around you. Pretending to be someone else takes a lot of energy.

Find ‘ambassadors’ at your workplace who can highlight your work so you don't have to do it yourself all the time.

Talk to your manager about your preferences and see if small agreements can make a difference for you. For example, your manager can help you speak up in meetings if you have difficulty doing so.

Forget the advice that you just need to practice small talk or be more extroverted. It takes way too much energy to maintain.

If you have to constantly compromise yourself at work, you should consider finding another workplace where you can thrive better.